Wednesday, August 5, 2015

A (Not Even Remotely) Comprehensive List of My Feelings (Saturday, August 1, 2015)

I'm writing this from the passenger seat of the Penske Truck that Nick and I have rented in order to move all of our stuff across ten states from New York to Idaho (side note: apparently, for interested parties, we have exactly 16' and 1 Ford Mustang of things. But I don't think that's a metric unit of measurement). Murray is lying on my lap and acting as a pseudo-desk (I say "pseudo" because in my experience, desks don't normally squirm this much). We have driven through New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and are currently just south of Chicago, Illinois. We left around 11:00pm last night (Friday, July 31) and have been tag-teaming driving duties for about twelve hours. For the first time, I feel neither obligated to sleep nor exhausted, so I thought I'd take a moment to write out some of my thoughts.

As the move to Boise has gotten nearer, one of the most frequent questions I've gotten from all sides is, "So, how are you feeling?" It strikes me as a rather silly question, because I assume the expected answer is something along the lines of, "Nervous, but excited!" but of course the reality is nowhere near that banal. There have been very few times in my life that I've felt more feels as I have over the past couple of months (understanding, of course, that I have no major life events like marriage or babies to contend for the title of "most feely thing ever"). In honor of the fact that I haven't yet actually answered this questions thoroughly, I thought that I'd take some time to do it justice.

So, in no particular order, I am feeling:

Excited to be back among Presbyterians
Sad to have to leave St. Thomas'
Grateful for the lessons and love given so freely at my previous call
Wistful for the things I won't be able to do with my family now that I'll be living so far away again
Nervous that I won't be what people are expecting
Anxious about having to pack, and then unpack, everything that I own, and drive across the country
Worried that Nick will be unhappy in Boise
Proud of my heretofore undiscovered ability to drive a 16' truck towing a full-sized car
Hopeful for the difference that I will make at FPC
Eager for a change of scenery, milder winters, and drastically more sunshine
Joyful that I was able to find such a great-fitting call so quickly
Self-conscious about what I'll have to offer the people in Boise
Resigned to finding all new doctors, vets, dentists, etc.
Relieved that the waiting is finally over and I'm actually doing this
Exhausted from the whirlwind of packing and goodbyes
Giddy about the adventure of a road trip with my love
Thankful that Nick is willing to take this leap with me

So there you have it. Pastors feel all the feels, too. 

1 comment:

  1. Wow. This is good. I never knew u had feels.