For the next seven weeks, we’re going to be digging into some scriptural examples of people disputing with God. From Abraham to Moses to David to Jonah to an unnamed Canaanite woman to Jesus himself, it turns out that we come from a long line of believers who were willing to question and even criticize God. Sometimes, these skeptics are swiftly put in their place (the book of Job comes to mind), but more often, the Lord just…lets it happen. On some occasions, God actually engages in the debate, and there are even times when God winds up changing God’s mind because of it. Plenty of modern Church leaders would be horrified at the thought of questioning religious authority, but the fact is that there’s a whole lot of scriptural precedent for it. So let’s see what we can learn from the complaints of our forebears.
We can tell from context clues that today’s passage comes from the account of the Golden Calf. Most of us are familiar with at least the broad strokes of this story: while Moses is up on Mount Sinai talking to God, the impatient Israelites ask Aaron to make them a golden statue to worship; then Moses smashes the Ten Commandments in anger and dismay when he discovers what they’d done. This is a classic story of idolatry - probably the first one that comes to mind for most of us. But the particular sections that make up our reading today may not be as familiar to you as the rest of the story.
We don’t usually read all the way to verse 35 in worship. Both the Narrative and Revised Common Lectionaries include this story, but both of them end their reading after verse 14. It’s difficult to blame them for it, though. Verses 7-14 tie everything up in a neat bow, leaving us with the impression of a happy ending: even though the people have committed a horrendous sin, Moses manages to convince God to be merciful. All is forgiven, and everyone moves on. Sounds great, right? But despite the reassuring message that even our most atrocious sins aren’t a dealbreaker for God, it still doesn’t sit right with me as an ending to the story. It feels like God is just letting the people “get away with it”.
It kind of reminds me of a conversation I had with my mom a couple of weeks back. We were discussing the challenges facing our society these days (like you do) when she mentioned her theory that at least some of these problems can be traced back to the Gentle Parenting trend. She argued that Gentle Parenting leaves kids without a sense of empathy, because it puts their thoughts and feelings front and center at all times. It doesn’t teach them about boundaries, because there’s no consequences for crossing them. It makes them think of their parents as friends, which fosters disdain for authority figures. And as a result, kids grow up to be selfish, entitled, and unable to act cooperatively - which eventually leads to a dysfunctional society.
She’s not wrong. Parenting like this might feel more compassionate in the moment, but it leaves kids ill-equipped for life in larger society. It sets them up for failure in adulthood. Which is probably what bothers me about ending the golden calf story at verse 14: it kind of makes it seem like God is taking this same problematic approach with God’s children. When they misbehave, God is naturally angry, but Moses convinces God not to punish them. To not hold that boundary. To be “gentle” with them. When this is presented as the story’s conclusion, it makes it seem like the people get away with their sin scot-free. So it shouldn’t be surprising that some Christians believe they’re God’s favorite, that they’re more important than everyone else, that they can do no wrong. That’s the sort of thinking that grows out of this kind of parenting, and if this is how they’ve always been told the story ends, then it’s a fairly natural conclusion to draw.
But as I explained to my mom the other day, what she described isn’t actually Gentle Parenting. The indulgent model she was lamenting is actually called Permissive Parenting. Permissive Parenting avoids conflict and prioritizes “keeping the peace”. It follows the path of least resistance. At its worst, Permissive Parenting puts the child’s feelings and desires above those of everyone around them. In contrast, actual Gentle Parenting doesn’t shy away from conflict. It sets plenty of limits and boundaries, and it always requires accountability - not just for the child, but for everyone involved. The “gentle” part lies in HOW these objectives are achieved. It avoids yelling, punishment, and shame to deter behavior, and instead emphasizes emotional regulation, consequences, and empathy. It tries to strike a healthy balance by being authoritative without being authoritarian, being gentle without being permissive.
When we include Moses’ second dispute with God in the story, it becomes increasingly clear that God’s “parenting style” isn’t permissive after all - in God’s own way, God actually seems to be Gentle Parenting the Israelites. God has decided not to destroy the people, because (as Moses reminded him) that isn’t the kind of relationship that God wants to have with the Israelites. God calms down and chooses not to respond reactively in the heat of the moment. But then when Moses later tries to convince God to forgive and forget the Israelites’ sin - to essentially be a permissive parent - God refuses. God holds that boundary. God is more than willing to be merciful, but NOT to let bad behavior slide.
Because Moses pushes against God’s boundaries not once, but twice in this story, we’re able to learn more about who God is and why God does what God does. It turns out that God isn't a permissive parent, as we may have come to believe. God doesn’t shield us from discomfort or conflict, and God’s children are certainly not immune from consequences. God is merciful, yes, but also just. There’s a balance of the two qualities - the same way there’s a balance involved in Gentle Parenting. And no matter how much God loves us - in fact, precisely BECAUSE God loves us so much - God will never allow justice to be pushed aside for the sake of our comfort. That would be setting us up for failure.
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Since we learn patterns of behavior from our parents, God’s choice to Gentle Parent humanity has profound implications for how we live *our* lives, too. Jesus speaks of forgiveness often - so much so that it’s become a central tenet of Christianity, even a litmus test of someone’s piety. But God’s interactions with Moses on Sinai suggest that when *we* forgive, when *we* show mercy, we also can’t forget the harm that has been done. Otherwise, we slip back into Permissive Parenting - well, Permissive Sibling-ing, anyway - and justice falls by the wayside. We have to pair our forgiveness with accountability if we want to follow God’s example.
When we don’t hold people accountable for their actions, we’re setting both them and ourselves up for failure. We can see this happening around us every day: when politicians enact policies that we disagree with, but we elect them anyway.[1] When young men commit crimes against women, but we just label it the “youthful indiscretion” of a “promising young man”.[2] When US citizens are detained unlawfully and even killed by federal agents, but we shrug and collectively say, “Oops!”.[3] When human beings are kept in inhumane conditions, but we look the other way.[4] We may tell ourselves that we’re Gentle Sibling-ing by being merciful, forgiving, and even Christ-like. But there is no justice in any of this, and without justice, all we’re doing is avoiding conflict. We’re being permissive, and these behaviors will continue. That’s not acceptable to God, so it shouldn’t be acceptable to us.
Christian forgiveness is not about letting things slide. It requires mercy *and* accountability - both for those we perceive as doing wrong AND for ourselves. Permissive Sibling-ing will only serve to harm us all in the end. Consequences aren’t cruel - they’re both biblical and holy. They’re also the best way for us to create a world worth living in.
Cornel West has said that “Justice is what love looks like in public.” When we practice forgiveness without justice, we’re breaking one of Jesus’ most important commandments: to love one another. So, for the sake of God’s kindom on earth, let’s follow the example of our gentle and just parent. Let us forgive, but not forget. Let us have mercy, but not turn a blind eye. Let us remember that the most loving thing we can do for one another is to model Gentle Parenting ourselves - with forbearance AND accountability, with empathy AND boundaries, and above all, with justice for all of God’s children. Amen.
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[1] https://www.idahostatesman.com/opinion/readers-opinion/article315314334.html
[2] https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/light-sentence-for-stanford-rapist-sparks-national-outrage
[3] https://thehill.com/homenews/house/5767174-jayapal-citizens-ice-noem/
[4] https://www.cnn.com/2026/05/29/us/ice-protests-new-jersey
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