(Youtube won't let me upload the video to my personal account - here is the link:
https://youtu.be/0MKMRKPlZ5o)
Back in high school, I was a part of a really tight-knit friend group. We became close by participating in a lot of the same activities - choir, band, youth group, AP classes (yes, most of us were nerds) - so we wound up spending a ridiculous amount of time together. But while I was involved in all of the above, there was one extracurricular that I simply could not do: track and field. Now, when I say I couldn’t do it, I don’t mean that I was cut from the team - there were no tryouts; everybody was welcome - and I don’t mean that I couldn’t bring myself to do it, like it was against my principles or something. No, I literally could not do it - I couldn’t hack it on the team.
Whatever the opposite of athletic is, I was that. Every practice started with an “easy” 10 minute run around school property to warm up; I made it *maybe* two minutes before giving up and hiding out in the library until enough time had passed. Since I hated running, I tried hurdles; that did NOT go well. I think I went to one track meet ever, and I didn’t even compete. After embarrassing myself thoroughly, it didn’t take me long to figure out that track and field was the one activity I really couldn’t do with my friends.
As little interest as I had in sports, I was actually pretty devastated by this. It was lonely to be the only friend not involved in track. Nobody was available to hang out after school, and when I saw them the next day, they inevitably had stories and inside jokes that I wasn’t a part of. High School is tough enough without feeling left out. And there were many times during those years that I felt like my friends had abandoned me and I was utterly alone.
This passage from 2 Timothy seems to depict Paul as sharing some of those same feelings. He writes about his grief, saying, “no one took my side at my first court hearing. Everyone deserted me.” But that’s not the only time he mentions feeling alone here. In verses 9-15, the section cut out of today’s reading, he actually names some names: “Demas has fallen in love with the present world and has deserted me…Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus has gone to Dalmatia…Alexander, the craftsman…has really hurt me..” The only one who hasn’t abandoned him, he insists, is God. It’s no wonder that he focuses so fixedly on the anticipated reward for his righteousness. It sounds like his ministry cost him his beloved community.
It’s little wonder that Paul and I both experienced profound grief over feeling “left behind” by our close friends. Community is such an important part of being human. Life is hard, but it’s made a little bit easier when you’re surrounded by friends who understand you and share your burdens. Community offers encouragement, reassurance, support, and at its best, love. Without it, there can be an actual, measurable impact on our physical well-being; aside from the obvious mental health implications, a lack of community also increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and dementia.[1] We literally need community to stay healthy.
Community is critical for our spiritual health, too. In addition to everything I just mentioned, a faith community also offers opportunities to grow in faith, provides accountability, and supports you in prayer. That’s why it’s built into our tradition. There are examples of intentional community sprinkled throughout Scripture: the nation of Israel was organized into twelve tribes, Jesus gathered disciples around himself as one of the first acts of his ministry, and the early church existed entirely as multiple small communities gathering in homes. Every single one of the authentic Pauline letters emphasizes the importance of community. Even Godself exists in community: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And these are just a few of the more obvious examples.
I think it’s pretty clear that God created us to be in community with one another. But so often, we dismiss community - at least, Christian community - as an afterthought or even an inconvenience instead of a necessity. Like Paul, we tell ourselves, “all I really need is God,” and we ignore anyone who suggests otherwise. Everyone has their own reason for making this choice. Maybe they think that being on their own makes them a stronger person. Maybe they were hurt previously and don’t want to risk rejection again. Maybe - like me - they’re afraid of failing in front of others. Maybe - like Paul - they imagine that their reward will be greater if they succeed on their own. But whatever the reason, our choice not to be a part of a faith community almost always costs us something in the end.
The thing is, though, that it takes a lot of effort to maintain this choice. You have to be REALLY invested in remaining miserable and alone for it to last. Because community often has a way of finding you, as long as you’re willing to keep an eye out for it. It may not be the community that you wanted or expected, but it’s out there, just waiting for you to claim it. And if you give it a chance, it might surprise you how much more full it can make your life - and your faith - feel.
As much as Paul laments his community’s desertion in this passage, it turns out that he isn’t actually as alone as he claims. In the same paragraph that he complains about Demas and Alexander, he offhandedly mentions that Luke has remained with him. He takes for granted that Mark will come to him if asked, and of course, in writing to Timothy, he reveals the intimate friendship that the two men have. This doesn’t sound to me like a man who is utterly alone. It sounds like someone who’s grieving the loss of the community that he’d once had without recognizing the new one waiting to embrace him.
This is one of God’s greatest gifts to us - the inexplicable but irresistible draw towards one another in spite of ourselves, reminding us we’re not alone. There will, of course, be times when our communities disappoint us, or when they leave us behind, or when we find that we don’t belong anymore. But that doesn’t mean that we’re *meant* to be alone. It just means that we have to allow ourselves to be drawn somewhere new.
We all find ourselves without a community at one time or another for different reasons. Maybe you’re struggling to relate to your friends as they enter a new phase of life. If this is your first time with us, maybe your church has wandered away from the values that drew you to them in the first place. Maybe your family has cut off contact. Maybe you’ve moved and are hundreds of miles away from everyone you love. Maybe you don’t even know why your community has left you behind. It doesn’t make you stronger or better to continue on alone. It just makes you lonely. And that’s not what God wants for you.
I never quite got over the fact that I wasn’t a part of the track team. I grieved that loss for a long time. But as much as I wanted to be a part of that particular community, God showed me that there were so many other places that I could belong. In this case, I eventually found community in other friends that I finally took the time to get to know better. When I went to college, I found community in the student-run theater group and campus ministry. When I graduated, I found community online. When I got my first job at a church, I found community in people who just want to love the world like Christ does - and the rest is history. The faces have changed, my needs have changed, the way I fit in has changed. But no matter how many times I’ve had to say goodbye to a community, God has never left me without a new one for long.
If you feel lonely and alone, don’t despair. There IS a community out there that would be delighted to have you. It might be right next door, or you might have to do a little bit of searching for it. You might feel at home right away, or you might have to dip your toes in for a while before you feel comfortable. You might stay for years, or you may only belong for a brief time. None of those details are particularly important. What matters is finding a community that loves and accepts you for who you are - whether you’re demanding and a little bit cranky like Paul or profoundly unathletic like me. Personally, I would highly recommend a church community - I happen to be rather fond of this one. But no matter where you land, know that you deserve to feel like you belong - and with enough time and patience, God will make sure that you do. Thanks be to God. Amen.
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[1] https://www.cdc.gov/social-connectedness/risk-factors/index.html.
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